Deeply Researched Riffs on Game-Day Party Fare for When You'd Rather Just Be in the Kitchen
Your field is the kitchen, and you're happy to be in there all day prepping homemade jalapeño poppers and making pizza bagel bites from scratch while everyone else is watching the game. That's right—this one's for you, nerds! And we're right there with you.
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Maybe you’re only interested in the NFL [Taylor’s Version], or maybe you’re frustrated by the dearth of mathematical expressions in Formula 1. Either way, your friends are over, your coasters are working overtime, and you…you have zero interest in camping out in front of the TV.
It’s OK. These deeply researched riffs on casual party fare will give you an excuse to slink off to the kitchen. These are the dishes to turn to when you long to be as engrossed in a kitchen project as your guests are engrossed in stoppage time.
You could try to learn the offsides rule again, or you could make everyone onion rings. The choice is clear.
Jalapeño poppers
These poppers might look indistinguishable from the commercial versions you’d find in the freezer section, but the taste is anything but. The breading technique is foolproof. I can say this with confidence, as I have made these poppers, and I am a fool.
German pretzels
Sure, this recipe will prepare you to lecture your guests on the full taxonomy of German pretzels. But if you want them to stay, you should probably let the pretzels’ tender innards and chewy, chestnut-brown crusts speak for themselves.
Cheesy fried potato skins
I don’t care if the game is down to penalty kicks and the mascots are hitting each other with hammers. No one is going to be looking at the screen when you bring in these golden brown, extra-deep potato cups filled with raclette cheese and wee little slices of cornichon.
Homemade Bagel Pizzas
When being the kind of person who makes their own bagels isn’t enough for you, try being the kind of person who makes their own bagel dollhouse miniatures.
Onion Rings
This heavily researched recipe adjusts the textural sliders to optimal levels for beer-battered onion rings that are crisp but not crumbly, with a coating that’s coherent but not too thick.
Homemade Potato Chips
Years ago, I mocked a restaurant for calling chips “acidulated crispy potatoes.” I am willing to revisit my stance on pretension, but only for these.
Real-Deal Pulled Pork Sandwiches
What do you get when you combine a dry brine and dry rub? One of the most moist sandwiches you’ve ever had. This pork shoulder can take up to 15 hours to smoke, making it an ideal pairing for the 1985 World Snooker Championship.
Lomo Al Tropo
Tired: Beef Wellington. Wired: “beef tenderloin in a towel.” Thrust yourself back into the center of attention by flambéing this at the table without warning (theatrics aside, the fuss-to-reward ratio is super high).
Philly Cheesesteaks
Bored with the game? Bring the brawl to your living room by asking hungry guests if you should use provolone or Whiz.
Funnel Cake
Are your friends celebrating? Bring them a funnel cake. Are they staring morosely at the TV? Bring them a funnel cake. It’s impossible to eat one sadly.
