Top Chef Recap: Duck, Duck, Goosed

The problem with liking everyone currently competing on Top Chef is that every elimination will be devastating. I thought I was prepared for that, but this week’s chop comes as both a surprise and a sharp reminder that all it takes to go home is one off-kilter week.

Before we get to that, though, let’s get to the Quickfire. Kristen is joined by “Top Chef superfan” Michael Cera, who indeed spends this entire episode sporting a huge grin I never thought him capable of achieving. The kitchen is intriguingly set up with game-show-style podiums and buzzers, then Jeopardy! champs Amy Schneider and Mattea Roach. They’re here to ask questions, judge, and, in Amy’s case, make a play for my job by referencing Fabio Viviani’s infamous (and personally beloved in my household) line of, “It’s Top Chef, not Top Scallop!” Clearly, Amy’s a real one.

Now it’s time to play. The chefs break into three groups. First place will get 30 mins to cook, second place 20, and third place just 15. Hope the judges like crudo!

Tristen, apparently the group’s “encyclopedia,” is Kat’s personal pick for a teammate; they end up on the Yellow Team along with Katianna and Henry. The Purple Team is Lana, Massimo, Paula, and Zubair, with Lana pointing to Massimo’s “aggressive … ness” as a strength when it comes to beating people to the buzzer. But the Green Team — featuring Vinny, Corwin, César, and Shuai — ends up steamrolling in that department thanks to “Mr. Boxing Hands,” i.e., Corwin.

As the Top Chef nerd I am, I’d hoped the trivia would be about the show’s own deep cuts (“Who was the first winner of Restaurant Wars?” “Which contestant served the most crudos?” “How many Quickfires has Bryan Voltaggio won?,” etc.). But the game’s focus ends up being food, with slightly baffling questions like, “What’s one of the most suggestive emojis?” to “Bo Peep may have lost her sheep, but what did Mary have?”

As we all should’ve known, however, there’s another twist afoot. Michael Cera reveals a board spelling out the ingredients each team gets to use, which of course all correspond to their correct answers. This gives everyone on the Green Team eight ingredients to choose from (shiso, ginger, eggplant, lamb, scallops, chile crisp, nectarines, and panko bread crumbs) and the Purple Team four (fennel, toro, pretzels, curry). Each chef must use at least three of their available ingredients. This leaves the Yellow Team with the unenviable task of making … something featuring rice, sandwich, and “battered.”

“I can’t wait to try four different battered-rice sandwiches,” says Amy, underlining the gravity of their situation as pity pours out of her aquamarine eyes.

While the chefs dash around, it’s time to check in on the Top Chef Flashbacks of Doom and/or Triumph. Corwin’s “military brat” childhood photos are getting a lot of airtime, which usually means he’s either about to crush it or go home. This time, it’s the former. Corwin’s chile-crisp scallops and ginger beurre blanc get him the win plus $10,000, which, he gleefully tells us/any curious friends at home, will be strictly used for bills, thankyouverymuch.

In terms of other standout Quickfire performers, we once again have Shuai, who spent his 30 minutes constructing a salad (bold) that Michael Cera didn’t want to stop eating. Kat also comes out on top, which surprised me, given her early idea of making “banana and Nutella toast” à la late-night dorm snack. But she used her 15 minutes wisely, throwing together a last-minute raspberry-cognac sauce that makes the dish. Meanwhile, the bottom three include one chef who knows he can do better (Tristen) and two who really need to get their mojo back, stat (Massimo and Henry).

Onto the Elimination Challenge! “Are you ready to indulge your sweet tooth?” Kristen asks, receiving an understandably tepid response from a cast of chefs still emotionally scarred from the horror of making too many desserts for last week’s ice-hockey challenge. But what’s that? Another twist? Quelle surprise! While they’ll have to draw inspiration from six Canadian desserts, they also have to do so with savory dishes. They have 30 minutes and just $100 to shop at St. Lawrence Market, then two hours to cook the next day.

And with that, Michael Cera proclaims with his increasingly ominous smile, “It’s time to draw knives.”

The breakdown goes as such:

While the chefs aren’t technically going head-to-head, the specific flavor profiles of each dessert make ingredient overlaps inevitable. Zubair and Henry both go for duck, while César and Massimo end up presenting fraternal-twin Moroccan lamb-tartare dishes. Vinny and Lana both seize on the “potato” of “potato chocolate cake,” with Vinny going roasted with caviar while Lana opts for a cacao gnocchi that pastry-chef guest judge Stephanie Duong quickly gets “tired of.” (Ouch.)

Those tackling the sweetest desserts — nanaimo bars and jam jams — are understandably stressed about translating saccharine flavors into something that reads savory. Paula once again fails to bring enough of her assigned flavor through, but the dish is at least tasty. Kat finds her way to top-three status once again with a duck whose skin she liquid nitrogen’d into a shattered crumble that Tom loves.

Meanwhile, in jam-jam land, while Katianna and Shuai have consistently been the chefs most likely to produce dishes that make me go “Huh!” and “Gimme!,” both fall short here. Katianna at least swings for the fences while she has immunity, but no one loves her rye porridge with raspberry and bacon confit. Shuai also drops the ball with his take on a Japanese tsukune meatball that has too many overpowering flavors for any of them — let alone the essence of jam jam — to really stand out.

By contrast, the figgy-duff duo crushes it. Corwin and Tristen barely leave the judges’ table before Tom emphatically says, “Yum,” which is such a cute word for Chef Grumps that it’s genuinely jarring to hear. Between Corwin’s succulent Jamaican jerk fried chicken and Tristen’s Guyanese pepper-pot-inspired dish and “lamb-fat madeleine” (gimme!), this round is a knockout all around. I was sure Corwin would take it, given the aforementioned Flashback Photos, but I was absolutely thrilled to see Tristencyclopedia himself get his first win.

In worse news, Shuai’s messy meatball gives a bottom-three scare. But it’s pretty clear that the decision is between Zubair and Henry. They both end their cooks with “too much time” on their hands before plating, which is a big ol’ red flag despite the editors’ injection of pleasant Muzak. Sweet, struggling Henry committed more unforced errors by sous-vide-ing his duck and then miscalculating his timing to leave Gail’s plate unsauced. (How is it always Gail?!) At least he “ticked the boxes” of a butter tart, says Lenore sans much enthusiasm.

Henry’s been on an unsure footing for a while now, but Zubair’s fall from grace is swift and terrible. His dish uncharacteristically fails to live up to the promise of his aesthetic presentation; barely anything on the plate is prepared right at all. To wit, his duck is so overcooked that Michael Cera notes that no one wants to brave taking another bite.

Given that damning observation, it’s surprising when this judges’ table becomes the season’s most divided yet. “I think Zubair of all three tried most,” Tom insists, saying that Shuai and Henry “completely ignored the challenge.” Kristen quickly counters that Zubair still made the most “technical mistakes,” and Gail and Michael Cera seem to agree. Both remind Tom — a man who’s never met a badly cooked protein he won’t send packing — that most of Zubair’s duck remained uneaten for a reason.

That said, I was still ready for tonight to be Henry’s last. Top Chef is ostensibly a democracy, but since the beginning, it’s still true that eliminations rarely go against Tom’s obvious preference. Not this time, though. I actually gasped when Kristen said, “Zubair,” because what?! Ahh! No! There may be only one Top Chef to rule them all by season’s end, but I definitely wasn’t expecting to lose him this soon.

… Which apparently brings us right to Last Chance Kitchen. Tom tells Zubair that it’s immediately time for him to enter the ring against reigning champ Bailey — and whichever one wins will return to Top Chef proper next week. Dun-dun [knife sound] …

Leftovers

• I’m aware that these bullet points were previously called “stray crumbs,” but since I only just thought of the far more elegant “leftovers,” I’m making an executive decision. We all deserve better than crumbs!

• Kristen Kish Suit-Envy Watch: Again, it’s not technically a suit. But her all-white jumpsuit(?) with a plunging neck is nonetheless a lovely garment I’d happily wear to my own wedding, so I’ll allow it and rank it an 8. (Points off for my clothing nemesis, illusion netting.)

• Vinny snoozin’ on the couch with his hands on his tummy and a li’l smile on his face? Winnie the Pooh–core (complimentary).

• Tristen, charming me to death: “I’ve spent a small time in Italy, and by ‘a small time’ I mean a lovely romantic weekend …”

• Choose your fighter: “Massimo is the most … vocal one of the group” as he yells “YES, CHEF” in the background for whatever reason, or “Massimo’s like a racehorse waiting to be let out of his cage”?

• Last Chance Kitchen spoilers: I’m not recapping LCK, but this week’s a brief exception due to its immediate ramifications. So do NOT read any further if you don’t want to know if it’s Zubair or Bailey returning! Don’t do it! Keep scrolling! Good-bye!

… Okay, if you’re still here, I’m gonna assume you’re ready for answers. Here goes: RIP, Zubair for real! Can you believe?? I cannot — and frankly am annoyed enough by how it happened to knock this week’s star rating down. Throwing a clearly exhausted chef into such a convoluted challenge didn’t make for a good cook-off or great TV; his head clearly needed a minute to get back into the game after hearing “pack your knives and go” mere minutes earlier. Still, credit where it’s due to Bailey for muscling her way back in. We’ll see her back in class next week — and the next, since she’ll apparently have immunity? Hmmm. To be continued …