Which Artist Brought Us Christmas-Music Coal?

It’s time for one of our favorite annual traditions here at Switched on Pop — evaluating this season’s musical offerings. Each year, artists churn out little nuggets of holiday gold (or coal). It’s the thing you can count on every December: an infinite supply of new gift-wrapping music that will probably never be listened to because Mariah Carey exists. Ahead, we review four recent tracks, ranked on a scale of zero to five sleigh bells.

“You for Christmas,” Kelly Clarkson

Charlie Harding: We’re going to start with a perennial Christmas contender, Kelly Clarkson. “You for Christmas” is produced and co-written with some heavy hitters: Mark Ronson and Andrew Wyatt. When you spin the chorus, you’ll hear exactly the kind of vibe she’s going for. It has everything: Motown production, lots of chromaticism, infinite sleigh bells, huge vocals. I love this.

Nate Sloan: You’re such a pushover. All it took was ten seconds of throwback Motown harmonies for you to love this. But I don’t disagree.

C.H.: That syncopated lead. She is really knocking this song out of the park. I’m stunned. I am not usually a sucker for holiday music.

N.S.: You’re bopping in your seat right now.

C.H.: I love that lead line: Ah, da, da, da, da, da, da. Oh, it’s so good. Who is she referencing here? The Supremes?

N.S.: It does feel Supremes-y — a lot of these Christmas songs do. Or they reference Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).”

C.H.: In order to make a good holiday song, it needs to be referential to the period of time when classical pop merged into rock and roll and R&B. And this song is in that time frame. Musically, it makes sense that we’re working with Mark Ronson, who is the producer of Yesteryear Nostalgia, and Kelly Clarkson has got the vocal chops to pull it off.

N.S.: She’s proved her holiday bona fides before with her song “Underneath the Tree.”

C.H.: I think the new one’s better.

SLEIGH BELLS: 5/5

“Holidays,” Conan Gray

N.S.: Your quizzical expression tells me that you’re wondering how the song is connected to the holidays at all.

C.H.: Yeah, this is a sort of nice L.A. folk-pop song. Reminds me a little bit of the new Shawn Mendes record. I actually think it’s really wonderful. I like it a lot. But, yeah, I’m not getting holiday qualities. I mean, maybe sitting next to a fire playing the piano solo, but it’s missing all of the necessary qualities to be that retro holiday thing I so admire about the last song.

N.S.: It’s a different take for sure. It’s the experience of coming home for the holidays and revisiting some memories that you might’ve been trying to avoid and confronting them head-on. I think it’s refreshing. I haven’t really heard that approach to the holidays before, and it’s written with some real all-stars in the pop world: Dan Nigro — who we know from his work with Olivia Rodrigo and Chappell Roan — and Ethan Gruska.

C.H.: Ah! That’s why I heard the Shawn Mendes record, because Gruska also worked on that record. By the way, he’s one of the most fabulous producers working in pop music right now.

N.S.: Unfortunately, in the chorus, you get a little Lumineers.

C.H.: Hey! Ho! I think this song has more in common with, like, “Lover” by Taylor Swift. So I’m not sure if I’m giving any sleigh bells yet, even though I really like this song.

SLEIGH BELLS: 0/5

“Happy Trails,” Orville Peck

C.H.: You’re giving us some more covert holiday music here. I like Orville Peck. I made sure to go out of my way to see his set at Newport Folk this past summer — he blew everyone away, especially with his song “Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other,” a duet that he does with Willie Nelson.

I love this holiday song. I’m getting a lot of that nostalgic vibe, even if I’m not yet hearing obvious Christmas hints.

N.S.: It does have literal sleigh bells.

C.H.: We have literal sleigh bells and we have sort of the Nashville, big orchestrated sound that reminds me of Patsy Cline. I did note that the song is in 6/8. Something about that counting feels holiday-esque. Do you have a grand theory of why?

N.S.: All I can think is that back in the 1800s, a lot of the Christmas carols that we still know today were written in triple meters or compound meters: “O Holy Night, “Silent Night, “O Tannenbaum.” So, maybe when we hear those triple meters today, we’re reminded of those caroling days of yore.

SLEIGH BELLS: 4/5

“Take Me Home for Christmas,” Dan + Shay

C.H.: Okay, this is as smooth as a perfectly wrapped present. I feel like Dan and Shay are playing into the history of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” — I want to unwrap you, you are the present.

N.S.: I was fascinated how this duo was once able to introduce an EDM style post-chorus pop drop into a traditional country song. We get a similar effect in “Take Me Home for Christmas.”

C.H.: What is the word for this genre?

N.S.: It has to be Funktree, unfortunately.

C.H.: I like it. I love a Telecaster guitar. I love twang. This isn’t trying to do anything more than exactly what it is. I think it’s a great little novelty, like a perfect holiday present, where you’re like, oh, that’s delightful. But I’ll forget about it next year.

SLEIGH  BELLS: 3.5/10

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